Life is depressing as hell.
I overthink shit so much, I mean, I used to have severe depression and anxiety and now it’s just been a lot of stress lately.
I pay for most of my shit, my parents never have paid a phone bill for me, or have bought me a phone. I’m not one of those spoiled rich kids who get a brand new car on their 16th birthday. I got a job at 16 years old, and that’s all I’ve ever wanted so that I could make money (which I hardly even spend on myself because I like using it towards someone else). I go to school, and this whole year has been shit. I honestly do better in homeschool rather than public.
I wouldn’t call myself lazy but, I’m an independent person and I like doing work at my own pace. I’m really bad at math, my brain just kind of shuts off. I do most of my work, and take notes in class, but I’ve gotten all F’s this year because of my absences. I think about shit a lot.
I envy the kids at my school who have a talent or a special ability. Like ones that do extra curricular activites like play a sport or act in theater, or can play an instrument really well. Or sing or draw, or dance. The least that I can do, is write, I used to take some photography but I kind of gave up on that. I like to study about the serial killers and paranormal too. I used to be an avid gamer but that stopped eventually. But everyone around me is so perfect.
I’ve been through a lot of tough shit in my life. I’ve went through a serious relationship for 2 years and experienced most of what a teenager shouldn’t. Later on, I got my heart broken and have dealt with other heartbreaks. Ever since I was a kid, I would always tell my mother, I have always preffered being dead rather than living. And I don’t mean to come off as ungrateful in this little rant. Because I’m not. I’m honestly just a sad kid, just like many others. I used to cut myself a lot, and all the scars are still mostly there, thankfully on my left arm, my tattoo covers most of it. I’ve tried attempting suicide plenty of times, but my family never really took it serious until they’ve seen me try.
I honestly feel like I’ve always seen things from a different perspective from everyone else. Even my thought process and maturity aside from others. It’s not bad but sometimes others don’t get it I suppose. The only thing right now that keeps me sane is my current significant other.
I’m not sure where I was going with this, but it’s kind of my personal rant to people that I don’t know in person.